


In My Bloodstream

by winterfrostwidow



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blackfrost endgame, F/M, M/M, Natasha deserves better, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Starcrossed Lovers, Stucky if you squint, Unrequited Love, past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-24 07:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14350422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterfrostwidow/pseuds/winterfrostwidow
Summary: Natasha has hardened herself to stone throughout the years, she doesn't have the patience for things that would slow her down. But a metal-armed man is the only exception, because with him she's willing to compromise anything and everything. With him she forgets her worthiness and risks her own heart.





	1. Chapter 1

She's used to Loki's presence, or illusion or whatever the hell he really is, by now. She has grown to endear his pestering and disgusted scowls. His whines about mortals and their overpopulation, as if he really stays here. He feels real, solid. His warm hand curled loosely around her ankle as she lays her feet over his spread thighs. He does this unconsciously, but she likes him touching her. She smirks and resumes reading her book, letting him watch whatever ridiculous show is playing on tv.

"How's prison?"

"Boring when you've journeyed through the entire bookshelf and are left with nothing else to read." He drawls, looking beyond bored. She pouts. She thought her presence helped a bit. 

"Am I boring you?" She can't help but quip.

 

He pauses, and turns his head to her. She lowers her book as they maintain silent eye contact. They've always had their near kisses moments, like damn shy teenagers too afraid to do something stupid. It's natural, in a way, with him. But the way he's looking at her makes an enigmatic heat curl in her throat. "Of course not." He answers as if the question were offending, his intense gaze lingering on her before turning back to the tv. "Otherwise I wouldn't be here now would I?"

 

She smirks and goes back to her book, finding the line she has stopped from and continues. Seconds pass before she speaks again. "Ever tried rereading?"

"I don't like reading a book where I'm aware of what happens next and how the book closes. But not unless it's a favourite of mine." He says with a dull voice.

"I can borrow you a book of mine if you want." She shrugs. "If that's even possible. But you are a magician aren't you?"

"That's kind of you." He squeezes his hand on her ankle and turns to give her a gentle genuine smile that gives her all those fuzzy emotions in her stomach. She almost blushes. "I would like that very much."

"Good. Because in the mean time, while you're off in your dungeon reading," he scowls at her for a moment but she continues, "I won't be here."

He frowns. "And where will you be?"

"Meeting an old friend." She smirks.

"Someone I know?"

"Must it be?" She quirks a well groomed eyebrow.

Loki's jaw sets. "An old lover perhaps?"

She snaps her book closed and pulls her feet from his thighs to get up. "I'm going to take a bath and I need you gone. I don't want to see you when I'm done."

"Can I join you?" He asks innocently.

Her breath hitches at such a suggestion, and she tries not to fluster and hardens her stare. "No. Good _night_ , Loki."

And with that, he's gone.


	2. Chapter 2

She's been watching him, sometimes she's certain that he knows. That he's only acting oblivious to her distant presence. She's wearing dark shades, staring at his every move with sharp green eyes. Seeing that his every move is calculated. 

He's leaving the cafè, his latte in his gloved hand. He looks both sides of the road before he moves across the currently vacated street. She straightens seeing as he's heading towards her direction. Her heart throbbing hard against her chest. 

When he stops at her table, pulling the seat before sitting, she turns her head the other way. Her body growing rigid.

 

"Barnes. I thought you wouldn't know." She begins with her cocky tone. A small smirk forms on his lips. The lips she once kissed, and is ready to claim again.

"You think I wouldn't notice when you're around? You think me that clumsy?" He scoffs with his charming lopsided grin. She turns her head back to him, removing her shades to look at his face properly. 

"How are you?" 

"Fine. Have a job. A place to lay." He shrugs. "You?"

She nods. "Never been better." She swallows around the lump in her throat at the way he's staring at her with those piercing blue eyes.

"What, now that you see me?" He gives her a wink. And then her heart flutters.

 

"You look healthy." She gives him a tentative smile. 

"You look gorgeous." He drinks his latte. "You haven't aged one bit."

She grins. "I could say the same for you. What, you're probably about ninety six by now? Tell me your secret, soldier. If you'd like to share."

"Lotion. Keeps wrinkles from your skin. Makes your face smooth and flawless. I forgot the name." He says thoughtfully. 

If she hadn't known him so well, she would've thought he was serious. She always loved his dry humour. She chuckles. 

 

"Natalia." He says her name in the tone that has always made her heart twist. She wants him so badly now. "I-I missed you.."

She swallows hard. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He nods.

 

 

 

 

She doesn't mind his place, the weak mattress on the floor in the corner. She removes her clothes and kisses him passionately, her want for him expanding as she feels his mismatching arms wrap smoothly around her waist. Pressing her flush against him. She shivers feeling the coolness of his metal arm pressing against her skin. 

He covers her with kisses down her throat and cups her left breast with his metal hand gently. Playing with her nipple. She gasps and let's him lead the way down to his mattress. She is ready. She is willing to give him everything. She is ready to give herself to him.

She gasps sweet confessions as he penetrates her, lifting her head to kiss his soft lips occasionally. His thrusts getting faster and faster. 

Quiet gasps and soft grunts get lost in her ears and her thinking becomes incoherent. 

" _James... James..._ " She gasps and becomes breathless when he spills inside of her.

 

 

They lay there peacefully, her head resting against his chest listening to the beat of his heart. She looks up at him to see a smile on his face. A smile of peace. She kisses him and wraps herself around him. He pecks her forehead and tightens his hold around her.  _I love you,_ she wants to say. But feels that it's too soon.

"Hey, Natalia?" His voice soft.

"Hm?" She prompts with a sweet lazy smile looking at him.

"You know that I love you, right?"

 

She blinks for a moment, something inside of her dropping. She doesn't like his choice of words.

As if she owes him a favour now.

It doesn't feel like a confession.

"Take care of Steve for me. Alright?" She stares at him, seeing a glint in his eyes when speaking about Rogers.   Love.

The kind of love she will never get.

She has risked herself.

And she was so stupid to think that they shared that. 

So stupid. So sloppy. So clumsy. So goddamn naïve.

They are not the same people as before. 

 

But he still knows she'll do anything for him. 

 

She rests her head on his chest again and closes her eyes keeping the tears back.

 

His true love has never been her.

 

It's always been Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was hard writing this as a buckynat shipper lol.


	3. Chapter 3

Natasha stares up at the ceiling blankly, refusing to let her mind cooperate. It's better that way because she won't cry. If she doesn't think about it, she will not cry about it. As simple as that. She's learned how to suppress emotions a long time ago, this cannot be hard. 

She sighs and moves to the other side of her bed, only to come to face Loki's side. She gasps, his head turned downward towards hers as he stares intently at her. She puts her hand on his chest, frowning, she feels the hard muscle beneath the thin green tunic he's wearing. He takes a hold of her chin to tilt her head upwards, as if their lips aren't already close enough. Their breaths mixing. Her heart is doing jumps and that strong swirl of emotion she's been feeling towards him only deepens.

But he isn't tilting her chin up to kiss her, unfortunately.

"Are you alright?" He asks softly with concern, seeing that her eyes have thin layers of tears.

"I'm fine." Her voice comes out raspy. She gently takes his hand off her chin before he laces their fingers together. She looks down at their clasped hands to avoid staring at him. 

"I've never seen you this way, arachnid." He presses the back of her palm to his lips briefly, making her catch her breath in her throat. "What is it? How can I aid you?"

She shakes her head lightly, suddenly tears falling down her cheeks. "Nothing." Her voice quivers.

He brushes her tears away before he kisses her forehead with care. She looks up at him and gives him a rare genuine smile. He gently rests her head onto his chest and holds her close. "Sleep. I promise tomorrow you will awaken in no dull mood."

But she raises her head back up, her elbow set on his side as she lifts herself up. Her long red hair curtains down the side of his face. She stares into his icy eyes. "When will you stop coming?" 

He looks confused for a moment. "...you don't want me here anymore?" He looks hurt for a moment.

"No. I don't mean that." She sighs, shaking her head. "I mean that one day you'll stop coming...and you're going to leave me."

She's inwardly taken aback by the reveal of her attachment to him and coming off so needy. She knows she will wake up tomorrow morning to retch when the words that just left her mouth come back to her.

Loki gently smiles and curls his arm around her waist. She's reminded that she's wearing a small crop top and pj shorts, and his fingers rest on the revealing skin on her back. His touch is always electrifying. It makes her feel hot and it unfolds fervour inside of her. The press of their bodies makes her want to wrap herself around him.

He tightens his firm hold around her waist, kissing her neck. She catches her breath in surprise when he does that and her eyes flutter close, her heart beating so fast. "I would never leave you." He says sternly. "...Not you."

The only thing that's separating them is the very thin layers of their clothes. She feels her breasts pressed warmly against his chest and the move of their stomachs melding together as they breathe.

It takes her long to speak, and she tries not to lean into his touch when he briefly tangles his hand through her red hair.

She clears her throat.

"But by the time they release you.." She bites her lip, his eyes following the movement with something like longing on his face. "I'd already be dead, you know. You're sentenced what? A thousand years?" She half jests. "I'm mortal remember?" She quirks an eyebrow with a weak smirk. 

"I'll keep coming, Natasha." He says stonily now. "No one is going to stop me from coming to you one day."

She narrows her eyes. "You're planning on escaping?"

He raises an eyebrow. "I'm not stupid, Natasha. I still must pay for my crimes, I am no coward."

She cups his cheek. "I never said you are stupid. And you're not a coward. I love your company. But, you and me... this all doesn't make sense. This is beyond my logic." She shakes her head. "I'm a nobody to gods. My lifespan just like rest will be gone within a blink of an eye. Like you said."

He takes her face in both hands. "You aren't a nobody to me, Natasha. All I care about is you with me. I-I think I need you. You are the best thing to ever happen in the tainted godly years of my life."

She blinks rapidly, seeming to forget to breathe. She doesn't know what to say to that, she's motionless. She has no idea how to deal with emotions, she's always been bad at it.

"Loki..." She shakes her head. 

“Please,” he says suddenly, “don’t speak, rather not. I know you better than you think. And I know this is scary for you. But please don’t run away from this.”

Just as she is about to quip, he pulls her in for a kiss.


End file.
